October 30

Day 230: Be a Grown Up

Transactional Analysis (TA) was one of the dominant tools in psychotherapy, developed in the late 50's. It attempts to be a "scaffolding" by which a therapist can ascertain the "ego state" of the patient. It fell out of favor by the 70's.

TA divides people into one of three ego "camps." Parent, Child, or Adult. (So you know, this theory understands that people can take on each of these roles throughout a single day.) Here's how each is differentiated...

Parent: a state in which people behave, feel, and think in response to an unconscious mimicking of how their parents (or other authority figures) acted, or how they interpreted their parent's actions. This outlook says, I'm okay, and you're not!(Think of Pharisees, Legalists, or helicopter parents.)

Child: a state in which people behave, feel, and think similarly to how they did in childhood. A poor evaluation at work may respond by looking at the floor and crying or pouting, as when scolded as a child. Conversely, a person who receives a good evaluation may respond with a broad smile and a joyful gesture of thanks. This outlook says, "I'm not okay, but you are! (Think of people who demand affirmation and approval, or care what everyone else thinks of them.)

Adult: a state where one is objective about self and others. Marked by a level of grace toward other people. Learning to strengthen the Adult is the goal of TA. While a person is in the Adult ego state, he/she is directed towards an objective appraisal of reality. (Think of people who willingly participate in a recovery 12-step program, are not often complainers, and seem to be honest about who they are, and who others are. Psychotherapists would see themselves under this heading, of course.)

Why am I talking about this? Especially since TA hasn't saved anybody. Ever.

Strangely, we see these outlooks, these default positions in the church. Sometimes any one of us can evidence all three of these roles in a single day, even in a single conversation. I know this, because I've seen this in myself.

Jesus knew this about His twelve disciples, just like He knows it about us. And He had two prongs to the cure away from being the parent, or being the child, and toward becoming an adult...

Praise. Praising Jesus leaves not room for complaint. When we complain about our horizontal circumstances, there is always an element of vertical discontent as well. Psalm 34:3-5 speak of the recalibration that comes to us when our praises come to Him.

Kind of like when our daughter was in tiny tots soccer. The first aid kit only had two items: bandaids...and bubble gum. We "coaches" learned that a kid cannot cry and chew gum at the same time. Genius!

Secondly, Servanthood. A spiritual adult knows who he/she is, in relation to the One who is greater, and towards the ones he/she is called to do life with. 2 Corinthians 4:5 says, "For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake."

When the apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthian church (1 Cor. 3:2), telling them that while they should be ready to eat meat (like adults) they were still wanting milk (like children.) Yet, they also wanted to go legalistic on each other (like parents.) He wasn't talking about their grasp of theology. He was instead talking about their hearts.

They were still beholden and imprisoned to themselves. Jesus came to save us...from ourselves.

So we can become spiritual adults. Who praise Him. Who serve Him by serving others. Like a grown up.

-Mike Rydman, Lead Pastor, Radiant Church Juneau