December 6

Day 267: Why does it have to be so hard?

My life would be so much easier, if I didn't make so many mistakes. Lately, it seems I am incompetent if not unable to perform what should be even simple tasks.

YouTube has proven this to me, even if I want to tell myself otherwise. When I record a sermon, Deb edits it, and then I upload it to YouTube. The process takes maybe three hours top to bottom.

Sounds simple enough. But not for me. At least not this weekend. We were dealing with two weekend's worth of sermon videos. Deb edits the first. I then, somehow, proceed to delete the second video. It's gone.

Then, this morning, as I devote my laptop to uploading the previous week's sermon to YouTube, and after an hour in, I realize YouTube switched accounts. Therefore, keeping score, I uploaded one sermon video to the wrong account. And the second more recent video is now history.

I will be re-recording this week's sermon video today. Again. It may be the Lord knows it needed to be improved upon. Or maybe this entire fiasco serves no other purpose than to show me what I am.

Somehow incompetent. No, not somehow, truly and absolutely incompetent. While I'm busy asking the question, "Why does it have to be so hard?" the Lord is reminding me of a universal truth. It is hard. But not for Him.

He is God. I am not. I don't have nearly as much ability or control as I would like to believe. I seem to prove this true, even if I don't always acknowledge the principle behind it.

In Job's frustrations, he said this: "He stretches out the north over the void and hangs the earth on nothing. He binds up the waters in his thick clouds, and the cloud is not split open under them. He covers the face of the full moon and spreads over it his cloud. (Sounds like he's describing our weather today.)

He has inscribed a circle on the face of the waters at the boundary between light an d darkness. The pillars of heaven tremble and are astounded at his rebuke. By his power he stilled the sea; by his understanding he shattered Rahab. By his wind the heavens were made fair; his hand pierced the fleeing serpent. Behold, these are but the outskirts of his ways, and how small a whisper do we hear of him! But the thunder of his power who can understand?"

The previous is very gospel. The mention of Rahab (Exodus), and the mention of a serpent (Genesis) both indicate that. But the gospel point in what Job said is this - God is God, and we are not.

Now before you feel bad for me, please don't. Please don't send cards and letters. My self-image is not under threat.

But, I am reminded again this weekend that my self-image cannot be based on my presumed competence. Were that true, I would be an emotional mess.

My self-image, instead, can only be based on Who God is and What God has Done. And how I relate to Him.

So in light of my most recent display/'s of incompetence, I will continue in this Lord's Day resting in who He has made me to be.

Including my own refined levels of incompetence. And re-recording sermons, and again uploading videos.

And perhaps still asking the question, "Why does it have to be so hard?"

-Mike Rydman, Lead Pastor, Radiant Church Juneau