February 11

Day 244: Impatient, Unsatisfied, Ungrateful

I've been thinking about generosity lately. Maybe because I've had a couple of isolated experiences in the past year where the receiver/s of my generosity have responded in ways I did not anticipate.

The parallel, the common denominator has been threefold. Impatience over delivery. Disappointment that it wasn't more than given. And a lack of expressed gratitude. Leaves me wondering if my largesse is misplaced, to be honest.

Part of the problem lies with me. I'm rarely comfortable communicating what my act of generosity actually costs me. So I somehow expect others to know something they cannot know. Unfair, I admit.

I also expect others to value what I value. And that is a misplaced, even unreasonable assumption on my part. Unfair.

And, I seem to have an ongoing fear that I will stand in front of the Throne of Judgment someday, and be exposed for not having been generous. So maybe I'm guilty of using others to assuage my own fears. Unfair, again.

Generosity can and does come in many forms. It can be expressed in gifts. It can be demonstrated in the form of personal time given. It can be seen in a willingness to open your home up to families with kids who could trash the place. It can also be evidenced in prayer.

Closely related to hospitality, generosity is giving something to someone else...without expecting reciprocation. The expectation of reciprocity dilutes any form or act of generosity. It simply reduces it to transaction.

Some of us are, by nature, quite generous. Others of us, perhaps not so much. I have seen in others, and certainly in myself, that it is far easier if not more fun to be generous toward generous people.

Deuteronomy 15 talks about the poor. Even saying, that "there will never cease to be poor (people) in the land." And somehow, this is the impetus for the the first and second parts of the preceding verse...

"You shall give to him freely, and your heart shall not be grudging when you give to him."

It could be the Lord is saying, don't begrudge that person because he's needy and therefore asking for something you have to give. I also think it tells me to not begrudge that other person for their response, or lack thereof.

There is hope in the second half of this same verse. "...because for this the LORD your God will bless you in all your work and in all that you undertake."

This last statement is not prosperity gospel. It is not transactional. It simply says what it says. God loves cheerful givers. And He will see to it that cheerful givers will always have enough to give even more. Because it shows off the gospel.

As I write this, it gets me to thinking; How have I responded to the LORD's generosity toward me? Sadly, I've probably more frequently been impatient, unsatisfied, and ungrateful.

That being said, I remain convinced. We're told to be generous. We can find true gospel joy in the midst of being generous. And generosity does not require or demand a positive response in kind.

And it also means I need to do a heart check. So I don't expect others to respond to me any differently than I have to my God.

Instead, I can learn to be a better recipient myself. Instead of being impatient, unsatisfied, ungrateful.