March 2

Day 263: Scrutiny

The story of David and Goliath is well-known. It may be one of the first Bible stories any of us ever heard. There are even secular writers who've accessed the story to encourage their readers to "Face Your Goliaths."

Of course, the story of David facing and killing the giant came with some back story. Some of which involved his own kin.

David was the youngest of several brothers. (God likes to employ youngest siblings.) David shows up at the battle line, at the bequest of his father, Jesse, who asked him to check in on his brothers.

David quickly sees how the Israelite army is terrified of the giant, the Philistine champion who comes out twice a day to taunt Israel. David asks what shall be done for the man who kills the giant. Others tell him of the prize winnings to be had.

But David's eldest brother, Eliab, takes offense over David having shown up and now asking questions. He tells his youngest brother, "You have evil in your heart. You've abandoned your own family duties. You just want to see the show."

I wonder while reading this part of the story, what was going on in Eliab's head? Was he embarrassed that little brother didn't see him doing anything but being afraid? Was he already fearful little brother would show him up, publicly exposing older brother's weakness?

I wonder if Eliab was quick to scrutinize David's motives, because Eliab felt indirectly scrutinized himself? We all know, first-hand, no one likes being scrutinized.

We cannot bear imperfection in ourselves, or others. So we feel we are constantly on trial, and why we repeatedly put others on trial. We're convinced someone is always looking at us, with inevitable disapproval.

And we will do anything to find relief from scrutiny. The funny thing is, not everyone in our respective worlds is judging us. They're all too busy dealing with the scrutiny they feel is directed toward themselves.

We tend to think everyone else is consumed with thinking about us. We assume everyone else has and continues to judge us inadequate. So we live like we're running away from bears in the forest that aren't even there.

There may be reasons, legitimate reasons why any of us never feel like we measure up. It could trace back to never having received full parental approval.

Amy Tan, the writer, when her successful book, The Joy Luck Club, was announced as number 4 on the New York Times list, said this about her mother's response:

After hearing the good news, Tan's mother replied, "What happened? Who's number 3 and 2 and 1"? Not unlike Americans watching a countryman or woman win an Olympic silver medal, and asking "What went wrong? Why didn't you win gold?"

We may live under the weight of expectations others have placed on us. A parent, teacher, coach, neighbor, friend, boss, board, church, minister, or even the mirror may have convinced us what we are and do is never enough.

We invent coping mechanisms. Usually, it's occupying ourselves with scrutinizing others as a deflection. Some of us will even resort to saying, "I don't care what other people think of me." But we all know that isn't true at all. We all care. Even overt rebels care.

Scott Sauls writes, "Our human craving to be free from scrutiny, criticism, and judgment is really an echo of where history began and where history will eventually end. Both the origin of all humanity [Eden] and the destiny of redeemed humanity are worlds in which there is no judgment because there is no imperfection in them."

That's why we cannot stand to be or appear imperfect. We come from a perfect world. This present (painfully long) age in which we live is an anomaly. It's clearly imperfect. It will not always be so.

Here's a truth we Christians may take an entire lifetime to believe: Our judgment day has already come. We celebrate that reality every Easter.

The good news for us, the gospel good news tells us that anyone who fears God will never have any reason to be afraid of God.

Any scrutiny, all falling short, has been carried by Jesus. We have already been judged and found guilty. But that judgment and guilt He has borne for us, in our place. We are no longer guilty.

So why would any of us continue to scrutinize ourselves and others, if we know our God has already accepted full payment for our lack of perfection?

We can instead occupy ourselves with the fear of the Lord. Because we who are redeemed need not fear His scrutiny (or anyone's else's, or our own) any longer.