March 24

Day 10: Are you getting tired of this? I am.

I'm tired of feeling stapled to my desk. I'm tired of screen time. I'm tired of reading how MLB/NFL/NBA/NHL/MLS/EPL players are spending their time in isolation. I'm tired of waiting on the President/Governor/City Assembly to tell us what the new "restriction of the day" will be.

My lower back is tight, and when I do get up I'm walking around the house like an old man. (Hold the jokes. I know I set myself up there.)

Although everyone (every organization) is trying to help I'm now having to choose which webinars I will watch. I just now made up a new term for myself - "webinar traffic." (You're welcome.)

I seem to spend most of my daylight hours either scheduling or participating in Zoom calls. I'm trying to sit still long enough to prepare sermons. But instead, I find myself standing up and flossing my teeth.

I think I'm beginning to grieve our present circumstance. Maybe you are too.

Counselors talk about the "Seven Stages of Grief." (Some only acknowledge 5, but whatever.)

1. Shock and Denial
2. Pain and Guilt
3. Anger and Bargaining
4. Depression, Reflection, Loneliness
5. The Upward Turn
6. Reconstruction and Working Through
7. Acceptance and Hope

I'm not going to describe each of these; you can Google it. However, two thoughts, 1) This is primarily a response to the loss of a loved one. This may or may not be true of any of us at the moment. Or 2) We may be experiencing several of these stages at once, and maybe out of order.

For today, I'm pinning myself to stage 3 - I'm getting angry about the quarantine, perhaps manifesting in my anger toward small, dumb stuff.

And this is a part of me I don't like: I am presently more inclined to grieve the loss of personal freedom than I am the reasons behind it all.

A Bible verse you (even those who do not memorize Scripture) have likely memorized is also perhaps the shortest verse in the Bible. John 11:35 "Jesus wept." We know Jesus went on to rectify the death of Lazarus, so why did He bother to weep? I'm thinking He was mourning, grieving the visceral effect/s of the Fall (Genesis 3.) Death (and pandemics, and today's quarantine) are evidence of our broken world crying out for restoration.

So today my diagnostic heart question to myself is, "Am I angry about the results of mankind's rebellion, or am I simply angry about its present limitations on me?"

What would be different if I were to be angry over the same things Jesus is angry over?

I wouldn't be so self-centered. The Mike-centered universe would cease to exist. I might move to stages 5, 6 and 7 in short order.

-Mike Rydman, Lead Pastor, Radiant Church | Juneau